Here is the premiere episode of “Drunken Musings”…
After retiring for the night, you feel that you started to eat something hours earlier in the day and its still in your mouth. Causing you to fear choking to death in your sleep.
The possibility that the vehicle you’re driving will suddenly take flight, control of vehicle will be lost once airborne.
It’s the time between us
That most worries me.
A Future past its prime,
Before its time has come.
Takes away time,
Sets up fantasies,
Filters the outside within.
Living on the backside of a two-way mirror,
Unsure of who’s looking in.
Today I start everything.
A toast to who I thought I was.
To who I think…
We share a time and a place,
Miles apart, seldom realized,
A space narrowed day to day.
From two worlds, like two ships in a nocturnal slip
Left alone, a losing game
Rescue image of a shave onside,
A space narrowed day to day.
From two worlds, like two ships we shall ever pass
In a world of work and play,
Dark then light, day into night,
A space narrowed that carries life’s slumber,
Our one world is never apart.
So I will assume that the medication cocktail I started on Tuesday is the cause behind my cranial discomfort. Sometime Wednesday night it all began, it really hasn’t left me since. One of those gather behind your eyes and stiffen your neck sort of headaches. The kind that makes you paranoid that you’re having a stroke or the like. I’m no stranger to headaches, migraines in my teens and sometime in my 30’s I started getting tension headaches.
Hold that thought…
There’s a little boy, maybe 7 years old in his own little world here at the Caribou Coffee I’m at. Drawing on the blackboard and talking out loud some narrative going on in his head. I envy his ability to ride his imagination like that, with a reckless abandon not fearing judgement from his own head or the public that surrounds him. I spent so many years in my backyard doing just the same…Now the narrative plays quietly in my head. I don’t remember getting headaches as a child, being sick yes but I can’t recall headaches.
My head still hurts.
I have developed a relationship with my headaches over the years. They roll in unannounced, I act all surprised and “Hey where did you come from?”, in turn they treat me like their bitch. The tension headaches (95% of them) are the worst to contend with. With migraines I was kicked in the ass, laid out in a dark bedroom swearing out loud uncontrollably. But the tension ones, they squeeze the base of my neck in the same fashion a mother does to an unruly child in a public place. Enough to make the point they are in control but allowing you to still walk/talk and “obey”.
But like some drug addict, I love the thrill of waking up and finding that empty void in your head where once was a headache. Drop about three Excedrin or perhaps a couple of aspirin and about four ibuprofen, lay your head down on a cool pillow and wait for the magic. This routine, I kid you not, is no different then some needle pusher scoring their junk (the headache itself), inserting the needle and waiting for the show. I enjoy the pain because I know I will enjoy the loss of said pain. Sometimes I will delay the euphoria, ride the headache, just to make it seem that much better.
I’ve done this with bodily functions as well.
Yesterday was a wash, nothing accomplished what-so-ever, just multiple attempts at trying to gain that high of a retreating headache. It’s still with me. Varied levels of intensity and location about my head, neck and shoulders. The proverbial squeezing of my neck, encouraging me to behave.
Speaking of which I better call my mother.
Don’t let me bore you.
I promise that as soon as I grow tired with my writing I will cease and re-assess my direction. Come to think of it, this sort of sounds like an apology of what is to come. Shame on me, as a professor teaching entry-level documentary film production I always insisted that my students not preclude a screening of their work in progress with apologies for said work or film. I had students who would play their footage or rough cuts and then leave the classroom while it played. They would be open to returning after it was over so they could discuss but they couldn’t handle being in the same room that their work was playing.
First rule of life from me… Take pride in your own work then you can expect others to respect it as well. LIKE YOURSELF FIRST AND FOREMOST!
My doctor refilled my prescription for fluoxetine yesterday, 40mg daily and I am happy to be back on it! Also 25mg of Hydrochlorothiazide for controlling my blood pressure.
I’m fat! Tipped the scales in the 290’s and I wasn’t surprised.
LIKE YOURSELF FIRST AND FOREMOST!!
Look, one of the greatest things I received from teaching was the ability to inspire and motivate. Every semester I reminded my film students that not only were they my students but they were also my peers. They to wanted to get their next film created just as I, what knowledge I had to offer I gave in the process. Every proverbial kick in the ass I gave out was really a kick to my own ass. Teaching taught me to believe and my students proved that to me. They inspire me to this day.
My right hip, after having radiographic images taken and looked over, displays some sort of distress at the joint, enough that my doctor referred me to an orthopedic specialist. Bone on bone type stuff along with other messy looking situations in that well used ball & socket joint. This is the first time I have taken the steps towards getting my hip issue resolved.
I wonder how long recoup for a hip replacement would/will be.
When I sat down with the doctor to look over the images of my hips, I chose to stay in the room instead of being self-conscious about all the “work” I put into getting the results I did with the x-ray.
My students would be proud… I think.
This blog is a shared approach and ride of life. A gathering of ideas, ideals and idiosyncrasies that have been my life for the past 43 years and my ambition to continue my experience of this life and of course all those who may have and will cross thru it.
Just promise you’ll stay in the room?